Perspective: Talking Trash About Texas


Let me preface my remarks with my real Texans. My mother grew up in Texas and died in Texas. I lived in Texas for part of my childhood. I still have people in Texas. So I know what I’m talking about and I’ll say whatever I want about Texas.

Texas gave us some good food, like smoked brisket and chili. Texas has produced some great musicians, from Willie Nelson to Clarence “Gatemouth” Brown, and Waylon Jennings to Erykah Badu. There are sweet and kind people in Texas. But when they walk into voting booths, sit on school boards, and sit in legislatures, they lose their minds.

There’s this vigilante abortion law, under which any third party can sue a woman for having an abortion. There’s this effort to change the word “slavery” to “involuntary displacement” in history textbooks. There’s this one-sided libertarianism, where a Texan says, “Don’t tell me what to do, but if you live in our neighborhood, we keep our grass so tall” (true story).

In its new party platform, the Texas state GOP endorses a referendum on secession. Considering all the trouble Texas is causing the rest of the country, I wonder, “Is this supposed to hurt our feelings?” What interest do other Americans have in keeping Texas in the Union? This particular Texas nationalism has somehow coexisted badly with American patriotism. Why would the rest of us want to thwart Texans’ aspiration to become a sovereign nation?

Texas, stop talking about secession and move on. You offer little benefit and great harm to the United States. I say to you, as I would to an unwanted dog in my yard, “Git on outta hyeah!”


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